Weaselys' Wizard Wheezes
by blackkeysandwhitelines
Summary: Weaselys' Wizard Wheezes: Laughter is the Best Medicine. George is lonely. His twin the only person who he felt understood him is dead. Gwen just happens to walk in his lovely jokeshop and causes something to awaken in the young man...
1. Chapter 1

**Weaselys' Wizard Wheezes: Laughter is the Best Medicine**

Chapter 1: Broken Punch lines

"_A day without laughter is a day wasted."_ – Charlie Chaplin

So many magical things can happen in a joke shop, well that is if you're looking for magic. There had been many times, countless days, which George found himself _dull_. Sometimes a person has the right to be dull or sad, but if you are the owner of a successful joke shop happiness tends to come with the territory. George really did try to be happy because he knew that was what his brother would have wanted, and Fred would have also called him a git for being such a wimp. The poor lad could not bring himself to really _smile_ not the fake smile he gave everyone at dinner to let them know he was all right, but the smile he felt down in the depths of his heart. No one could bring that happiness out of him again they all tried not his mum, dad, sister, _no one_. George Weasely was a very _dull_ man indeed.

George Weasely woke another morning as the sun greeted him with its gentle kiss. The soft rays tenderly graced his face awaking him from yet another dreamless slumber. The young man groggily rubbed his eyes filled with sleep as he got ready for the day. He assumed his normal routine dressing himself in a humorous fashion that yet seemed to match, and when he finished everything in the small flat he lived in he headed to the shop.

Gags, giggles, and guffaws galore once again filled the empty shop. Many of the Weasely's inventions whizzed by as George made his way through the lively complex. Boys trying all the sweets in the Skiving Snackboxes, little kids playing with screaming yo-yos, and George was trying to sell more amortentia to the women because the love potion sales took a mighty dip this month.

The overall atmosphere was jovial and lively, but George could not seem to lift his spirits in even the slightest. The solemn lad had just finished removing the Headless Hat from a sixth year that began scaring the little ones when he heard it. The melodic giggle that awoke the sleeping creature inside him, the very creature that George buried himself. He turned frantically trying to find the owner of the pleasant laugh. The man turned once more when he saw her.

She stood with average complexion and soft blond hair in a small ponytail. The lass was not overly skinny, but she wasn't plump either. She was average, but her laugh could last George forever. She looked over at the little children playing a game of Gobstones. She looked up slightly as she felt a pair of eyes burn into her being. Her emerald green eyes met his copper brown ones as they shared a silent exchange.

"Are you the owner of this fabulous shop?" She questioned the may staring at her intently, which she would admit was making her feel _very _uncomfortable.

"Aye miss I am." George nodded as he moved his eyes off the girl, but she did not let the awkwardness continue. She silenced it with another melodic laugh. George tried to find what she was laughing at, but he could not find the source of her beautiful giggle. She just looked at him.

"Tell me sir, you own a joke shop, but it would look as though you haven't had a good laugh in a few years." She giggled at the irony in the situation, but tried to remain respectful.

'_If only you knew' _George muttered under his breath as he slowly began to retreat from the situation he knew would end sour, but he was soon halted in his escape.

"Wait! Wait! I'm sorry let me make it up to you!" She said as she followed the red haired lad. He stopped and sighed getting ready to politely reject her when she spoke once more.

"Okay so a warlock, and a goblin walk into Three Broomstick. The Goblin looks at the Warlock and says wands can't buy you love. And the Warlock says yeah, well they could fix that terrible nose of yours." She couldn't even finish her poorly executed joke because now her chuckles broke the words up too much.

"Blimely! That is the most terrible joke I have ever heard!" George said in between chuckles he knew that she was honestly trying to cheer him up, and clearly it worked. What this woman didn't know is that was the same exact joke his dear brother use to say.

"Well it sure did make you laugh, Mr. Joke Shop owner…." She said in between he chuckles trying to calm herself before she began to snort, which she knew would _not _be the greatest first impression.

"George, and you? Ms. Terrible Joke Teller?" He asked as she started to take deep breaths from her laughing episode.

"Gwen." She answered regaining the composure she once held before she told the worst joke in history.

"Gwen?" George questioned finding that that was not the average witches name, but yet again he was not dealing with an average witch.

"Well it's short for something, but you'll tease me about it I can tell. So, when I can trust you; you can know." She said with a wink as she came a little closer to the lad.

"And when will you be able to trust me?" George questioned as he leaned closer to the lass flirting back with her.

"Gweny!" A little girl screamed as she ran towards the blonde. Gwen immediately recognized her as picked her up as she swung her around in her arms. The little girl began to giggle as she found comfort in her friend's arms.

"Can we leave? I don't wanna be laaattteee!" The little girl said as she tugged on her hand.

"Of course. Let me just say good bye to my friend." The older woman said as she turned to the man beside her.

"Are you her BOYFRIEND?" The little girl asked amazed as she walked closer to George examining the tall man.

"Matilda…" Gwen went to scold her younger sister, but Matilda spoke up again.

"Gwennnnyy we need to leave! I'm gonna be late for schoooooll!" Matilda said tugging on her sister's hand.

"I'm sorry George, but it looks as though I am going to have to head out!" Gwen said as she laughed at her little sister face that now resorted into a pouting lip.

"That's okay I need to tend to the group of young men now throwing the Skiving Snacks at each other." He said as he scratched the back of his head.

"See ya around!" She said to the lad as her little sister tugged her out of the door. George knew he did in fact want to see her again, and he couldn't even fight the bubbling feeling in his stomach as he worked the rest of the day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Weaselys' Wizard Wheezes: Laughter is the Best Medicine**

Chapter 2: Hook, Line, and Beater

"_A laugh is a smile that bursts_." –Mary H. Waldrip

Gwen sighed as she sat with her robes rolled into quarter length sleeves, and the empty classroom gave her peace. However, that peace was short lived as she had an unlikely visitor grace her presence.

"Still defending those silly Muggles eh?" The voice jokingly chastised as she turned her petite figure. She couldn't help but ponder that mysterious red head she encountered today, and she frowned at the voice that broke her perfect memory. She turned around to see Lee Jordan leaning against the door frame.

"Lee!" The blonde shrieked as she ran towards the handsome man. She could tell that he clearly lost some weight, and his hair was now dreadlock free. She gently touched his head to see a small afro growing where his dreadlocks once stood.

"As I can see you have adopted a new hairstyle." The witch poked as she slowly made her way back to her large cherry wood desk. He nodded and chuckled quietly to himself. The two spoke of many things about the changes that took place after the war, and of how Gwen now held the position of Muggle Studies teacher since the last teacher passed in the battle. Lee told her how he now worked with Hagrid as groundskeeper, and once the conversation seemed jovial…

"And as I can see you have still managed to keep that love for muggles admits the bruises you cover with magic." He said matter of factly trying, but changing his facials to one of concern.

"I would prefer not to talk about it."She said waving away the subject with a brisk movement of her hand, but trying to regain the happy façade she once wore.

"Why do you just come live with me? Or _anyone_ else for that matter? I can't see you hurt anymore, and don't think you hid that new bruise under your eye from me. " Lee said walking towards the witch with his eyes burning with concern and grief.

"I said I DON'T want to talk about it!" She said with ferocity in her voice as it began to crack under the sheer pressure of trying to be happy. He gently stroked her arm in a comforting manner, and before her could speak again students began to fill the empty room. He waved goodbye to his dear friend as she quickly dried her tears with her kerchief.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Gwendolyn Harriet Pax slowly made her way to the fireplace of her small teachers room Hogwarts was so gracious to give her. She made a way to her ever so dreaded location using the fireplace that was connected to the Floo Network. The young witch walked through the small quaint neighborhood, and made her way to the end which poured into a forest. And with one whisper of a spell she entered the hidden cottage that awaited her.

"I told you that you are NOT TO BE LATE!" he screamed as she entered the door. He stormed towards her with enragement, and a balled up fist. That night he beat her seven times. The total amount of seconds she was late. Blood seeped through her wounds as she tried to defend herself.

"GWENY!" Matilda screamed as she ran towards her sister trying to protect her. The older witch tried to defend herself she really did, but the only thing that served as protection was the drunken drowsiness of her father. Then, as he was to swing again he passed out.

Gwen wanted to cry. She wanted to take poor little Matilda and go far away from here, but she couldn't. He father was one of the most powerful deatheaters in the world, and to escape him was to escape God himself. She couldn't use magic against him because she knew that her sister would receive punishment later. Gwen stood there with a hardened look on her face as her little sister shrieked in fear. The little girl began to sob and all Gwen could do was comfort her.

"Gweny?" The little girl questioned in broken sobs as she looked up towards her beautiful, stoic sister. The older woman looked down and smiled at her.

"Can we leave?" Matilda asked with her little eyes shining with tears. It took everything within the poor woman not to cry and she just answered.

"One day love, one day."

**AN: Okay, so I am so sorry for the delay, and very depressing chapter. I hope you continue to read, and PLEASE review! I want to know what you think, and don't pretend that you aren't reading because I get notifications telling me that like 60 people are reading this little diamond in the rough. Much Love, MJ**


	3. Chapter 3

**Weaselys' Wizard Wheezes: Laughter is the Best Medicine**

**AN: I will make this quick! I am sorry to all of you who have been waiting on me for the next post! I would like to beg you for reviews on this chapter because I would like to know if you like where I am taking it!:) Much Love, MJ**

Chapter 3: Witches, Wizards, and Wheezes

"_A sense of humor…is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life_." –Hugh Sidey

She couldn't believe she was doing this. What did she know about the peculiar joke shop owner? He was handsome, of course, but what did she really know about him? Gwen feared that if she answered that question she would know love was in the equation.

Gwen walked the cobblestone street of Diagon alley as she tried to think of things to say to the lad.

"Well, you see I was just in the neighborhood, and well…no" She honestly could feel her stomach flipping on the inside. She did her best to try and contain the bubbling feeling she had hidden away. There is was the jovial joke shop that brought her so much joy.

She walked through the shop once more and she could tell something was different. The first day she had ever entered the joke shop the air seemed off, but today the atmosphere seemed to bubble over with joy. Kids, Parents, and teenagers alike laughed in the shop filled with wonderful mysteries.

Gwen picked up a bottle of amortentia not really caring about its contents, but simply trying to find the red haired owner. She examined the bottle that was shaped in a heart. The color of the potion itself was riveting it glowed as if it held pure true love itself. The young witch was snapped out of her gaze when a familiar voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Plan on slipping that in some lad's drink?" George asked peering over the witch's shoulder. She jumped slightly at the contact, but quickly turned to face him.

"I wouldn't fall into the trap using such antics! I use my charm and ridiculously good looks to make a man fall for me!" She giggled as she put the bottle back and winking at the wizard. He laughed at her quick witted response, and held his hand out for her to shake.

"George Weasley! Owner of the most amazing joke shop in the world! How may I be of service?" He said as she took his hand and he ended his sentence with a bow. She laughed, and that once again brought music to his ears. There was something about her laugh that revived something inside him.

"Oh nothing is particular at this very moment, but I was wondering when the owner of this fine shop had considered taking a break.." she said trying to act as nonchalant as possible biting her lip to try and repress the urge to slap her forehead. She had just asked the wonderfully handsome man in front of her on a date.

George furrowed his brow as her thought about what the witch had just asked him, and that's when he connected all the pieces.

"AH! A break madam! Well how about I just check my watch… well would you look at that it seems that my break just began!" George said with fake astonishment as he began to make his way to the coat rack.

"Lee man the shop! I shall escort this ravishing young lady to get a spot of tea!" George said as he wrapped himself in his scarf, and headed out the door. Gwen giggled as he bowed before her as he opened the door of the Tumultuous Teashop.

"Now tell me about yourself young fair lass!" George said as the couple sat down at a small table for two. Gwen smiled outwardly, but could not help but think maybe there was nothing she could tell. She knew her eyes would give her away if she said too much so she quickly responded.

"Tell me about yourself, George Weasley of?" Gwen said trying to change the subject. George looked at her for the quickest second, as if he knew that she was hiding something, but the look quickly diminished.

"I am George Weasley of the Burrow, or Ottery St. Catchpole. I have six siblings, and one that is….dead." George stopped for a minute as her tried to digest the new he had heard a numerous amount of times. He could feel the feeling of despair welling up inside him when she spoke.

"I am sure that he watches over you. They all do." Gwen said with a smile as she grabbed George's hand. He looked at her. He could really see her features illuminated by the fire that burned in the back of the shop. She was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen.

Her hair was a white blonde colour as it fell in loose curls to gently kiss her shoulders. He beautiful green eyes sparkled like emeralds as they watched him move, and her lips curved in the most beautiful, quaint smile he had ever seen. He squeezed her hand as he began to move in to caress her lips with his own.

"BLAST!" She screamed right before he went in for the kill. The young witch pulled out her pocket watch as she grabbed her robe from the back of her chair.

"What is it?" George jumped up as he watched the young witch move about in a frantic pace. Her eyes met his warm brown ones but he could read that something wasn't right.

"I am so sorry George! I must go! You see...it's just I'm sorry!" She turned away from the table, and just before she could exit her grabbed her wrist. The sudden movement caused the young lass to turn around once more. She could read his eyes, but would not answer the questions that lay inside them.

George did not know what he was going to do or say, but he knew what he held in his arms was the most precious woman in this world. He leaned forward and kissed her delicately on the forehead. Slightly dazed she bolted out of the teashop without even bidding the lad farewell.

~o.O.o~

The young which could hear the shattering plates as she approached the cottage that lay in the center of the desolate forsaken forest. She bit her lip as she walked into the home her father sat with his liquor infused tirade. Gwen knew that tonight would not be a good night.

He walked up to his daughter and got in her face with his breath reeking of alcohol. She did not move, no she could not move, or her sister's life and her own would be at stake. In front the door her father began to wail on her violently and she could feel the blows.

He would find any object, any spell that would cause the most damage, and the pain was almost unbearable. Gwen would try her best not to scream because she knew that her dear little Matilda was sitting there watching. Each scream that did manage to leave her lips equated to another blow where ever she could not protect.

With one final blow Gwen hit the floor with a pool of blood surrounding her, and the thought of his lips in her mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Weaselys' Wizard Wheezes: Laughter is the Best Medicine**

Chapter 4: The Unbreakable Vow

"At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities."  
>-Jean Houston<p>

"That is why you cannot create and unbreakable vow with a human. Next, week we will discuss Muggle attire now enjoy your three day weekend."

The class was dismissed and Gwen tried to fight back the memories that surfaced in her head. She knew the unbreakable vow… She _knew _the unbreakable vow.

It was the only thing that kept her there, and it was the only thing that saved her sister's life…

_Her father had just taken up drinking because he knew that he was next. The Dark Lord had her father personally apprehend and murder the last of the witnesses, the last of the leaders, and the only thing he had to do left was kill..himself._

_Gwen's father was the last witness and the only thing standing in the way of glory and power. You see, he knew Voldermort's secret and that alone was a death wish. If this information were to leak to anyone then he was a dead man. However, the dark lord did not know that Archibald knew. So, he ran. _

_Archibald ran with Gwen and Matilda, but he did not run to save their lives. He ran to save his own. _

_You see the peculiar thing is Gwen was his life preserver and only hope._

She was his daughter.

She was not Archibald's daughter, but _his_ daughter.

The illegitimate child of Archibald's wife and Voldermort.

_He did not find out until after the death of his wife, and the only reason the dark lord proceeded to keep him around was to watch Gwen._

_Archibald found himself running to the abandoned cottage and he made this their home. He began to binge drink slurring reality like his words. He knew they would try to escape, and he would keep them there, yes. SHE would protect him._

_He seized Matilda in his drunken rage with his wand pointed at her temple._

"_If you leave. I'll kill her now. Now, you must decided to save your sister's life or give your own."_

_Now, Gwen did what any good sister would do, and she agreed to meet his demands. He made her make the unbreakable vow it said: You must never leave and always return here at 8:oo pm for if you do you will suffer accordingly. Now if ye choose to leave, you will die and Matilda along with you."_  
>Gwen knew that the bruises would never go away, and the beating would never cease. She did not know why her father would not let her leave, but sometimes he would slur his word in his drunken rage. She knew he still feared <em>him.<em>

She packed her things and slowly made her way to the cottage in the forsaken woods. She did not know of many things.

She certainly did not know that she was the illegitimate child of the one who almost ruined the world. 


End file.
